How to deal with group dynamics
Some retreats require you to be a part of a group – Caroline Sylge explores how to make the most of it
Putting yourself into a group environment can be a challenge for some, but it’s actually a familiar experience to us all. When we’re in a group, we replicate the place we have in our family, whether we’re quiet and withdrawn, grappling for attention or the diplomat in the middle.
UK-based psychotherapist Malcolm Stern points out, a ‘healthy’ group will encompass all members of a family, with each person noticing what goes on and ‘bringing in’ people where necessary. A good host will act like a wise parent, dealing with any issues that arise.
The group environment of a retreat is an excellent space in which to break the patterns we’ve developed within our own families, by taking the chance to attempt to behave differently and, as Stern says, ‘speak our truth’.
‘If you usually speak first in your family, try hanging back in a group situation,’ says Malcolm. ‘If you’re usually the last person to speak or don’t really get ‘heard’, try to speak out sooner. A good host will be sensitive to each member’s needs, whether that’s to have time out alone or be encouraged to get more involved.’
Remember this is your time out, so take time out if you need it, and ask if there’s something you’re not getting that you need. Group retreat experiences can be extremely powerful, often offering shifts in our personal issues we wouldn’t get so quickly on a retreat alone, so doing what you need to embrace them fully is worth it.
There’s sometimes one person in a group with a lot of personal baggage who demands too much attention. In this situation, Stern says, ‘the person is needing to be fed’. A good host will work with them and manage the situation healthily, but you can also have an effect.
‘Telling someone they are taking up a lot of space and that you are feeling resentful of it may help that person to grow,’ says Stern. But do it kindly. ‘Honesty is a gift, savaging someone is not, so slay your dragons with compassion’.
